Liam ~ 2 months old

Man, he's cute.

I wish I could say we're out of Colic Woods, but we're not. Almost each evening, I feel like I'm standing in quicksand, struggling to crawl out. He's eaten, his diaper is changed, he's not hot, he's maxed out scream time on his play mat, the swing doesn't help, the hair dryer makes him mad, he's clawing at his face with his little dagger nails that I can hardly trim because he clenches his fists so much... He looks at me with those wild, frantic, searching eyes.. And I want to cry, too, because I feel he's in some sort of pain that I just can't fix. It hurts my heart so bad to see him cry like this. It typically starts around 4 or 5 pm, and lasts until about midnight, when he finally gives out and goes to sleep. We just go back and forth, holding him until we can't handle it anymore.

It isn't every single night, but probably 5 out of 7 nights. And thankfully for my friend's or family's sanity, it hasn't been when he's around a lot of people. But sadly, for my credibility, I think that makes me look like a liar, or a whiner. No one but Hector and me have really seen him at the height of it. I guess my parents saw it over Christmas break.

And like everything I've read on colic, he's a great nurser. He gets plenty to eat, has a great suck and is obviously gaining weight nicely. Eating is a non-issue. I've given him formula a handful of times, because I've thought it would help, but in hindsight, I think he'd have been just fine without it.

He has turned into a co-sleeper.. He is most content when he's snuggled up next to me or Hector. Attachment parenting by default? haha. We won't continue this bed-sharing after the colic. But I know that for now, it's what he needs to feel safe and comforted.

New things we've tried? Sure. We bought a $20 bottle of Colic Calm. It's a black-colored gripe water. I think this helps a smidge. You can give it every 30 minutes x6 per day. We only ever gave 2-3 doses in a day. It causes black specks in the poop, beware. He liked the taste. At his 2 month appointment, I consulted with his pedi. She gave me a sample of Gerber Soothe drops for colic. It's a probiotic oil-type drop. He can have 5 drops a day. I haven't noticed a difference yet with this. I've given it 2 days in a row. Maybe like other probiotics, it will take a little while to kick in. I don't know if I mentioned simethicone drops last time or not, but we give those too. I think it helps him expel gas a little more, so at least he has less gas pains.

So, other than those measures, we wait. :) We wait for 3 or 4 months of age, when he'll be a little more calm (we pray!!).

Now, positives?

This boy is a TALKER! If you get up close to him, he will "oooo" and "gooo" and "cooo" your ear off! It's just charming. It melts away most frustration I'm feeling. And smiles.. oh, the smiles. That gummy grin is just to-die-for. The other night, he actually laughed at me! I was holding him around midnight, he was winding down. He had a paci in his mouth, but he looked at me, crinkled up his eyes and nose and gave me the biggest smile. Followed by a silent, exhaling laugh. Twice.

He's already wearing 3 month clothes.. 0-3 are getting a little snug! He is wearing some size 1-2 Pampers right now. Then we have a big box of gifted size 2's and little pack of gifted size 2's, then it's cloth for the boy! I don't want to waste all the diapers we were given, so that's why we are in disposables right now. He's gonna be too cute to handle when he has a fluffy butt! :)

outtakes:

Cohen was my assistant. Propping brother up, then jumping out of the picture when I said, "Now!" :)

"Oh, hi, Mom!"

Distracted by brother.

Distracted by window.

Starting to fall, losing interest/patience.

Happy 2 months, little Liam! We love you!!

my baby has colic

I knew we had it too easy with Cohen.

This pregnancy was harder, with being more tired and exhausted (albeit, probably from Cohen...).
This delivery was harder.. well, the labor portion.
And this precious boy has been the root of many tears and sleepless nights in our home.

Yes, he's my baby and I'm head over heels in love with him.

I've known since the beginning that he seemed unnaturally difficult, but I chalked it up to being tired, having gas, not getting enough breast milk, or [insert google answer to "Why won't my baby stop crying??? here].

You know something's awry when his grandma can't calm him, his own mom can't soothe him, and you start hearing comments like: "What do you do in the hospital when they cry??" or "You're a NNICU nurse, can't you figure out how to help him sleep?" yeaaaa..... I can assure you, no NNICU baby of mine has ever cried like Liam does. Ever. Plus they're sick and premature and in isolettes and I'd just prefer you keep those comments to your self.

I began to notice around 5-6 weeks of age that his crying periods were getting worse and worse in the evenings. I called it a witching hour, and went on about my day. "Colic" crossed my mind, but I dismissed it.. thinking I recalled some qualification of colic to be crying at least 16 hours a day or something irrational like that. Boy was I wrong. Today, on the eve of his 7 week birthday, I finally looked it up. Guess what? It's crying 3+ hours a day, for 3+ days a week, for at least 3 weeks in a row.

They say it peaks at 6 weeks, and starts to normalize by 3-4 months.

Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner! This is my son to a "T"!! Another site said, "Does your infant have a regular fussy period each day when it seems you can do nothing to comfort her? This is quite common, particularly between 6:00 p.m. and midnight—just when you, too, are feeling tired..."

I only say all this, because I know it is a weakness for me. I know that I was called to be little Liam's mother, and to love him the way Christ loves us. I also know this time is fleeting and won't last long. Soon he'll be giggling, crawling, walking, talking... it all goes too fast. This is only a short season in our lives. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says "For our present struggles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." The Lord already prepared us for this! 

I also put this out there, because, I think I tend to put up a pretty front, letting everyone think it's all perfect. It's not. Now, I know, this is nothing compared to mama's dealing with infants/children who have medical issues, or anything like that. It could be WAY worse, and I know that. I just want to share our story, and what's helping us. So that it may possibly help another mama, dealing with a darling with colic.

Every evening, I feel like the world's worst Mom, because I just want to set him in the closet and close the door. Of course, I don't.. and would not do it. But Satan really works on your mind when you are so sleep deprived and your infant is shrieking at full force for hours at a time. I can't understand why he is screaming, or why my measures don't soothe him. After reading about colic, I understand that it isn't my fault, and it certainly isn't Liam's. He's just a new baby, trying to figure it all out. Liam needs extra love, extra hugs, extra attention. And by golly, even if I have to walk him for hours, with tears in my own eyes... I'll do it. I'll always do anything for my children-whatever it takes. 

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

We employ a swing, a vibrating lamb seat, a bassinet, a rock-n-play sleeper, and multiple loving hands and hearts. Oh and the car helps a lot. :) I found the blow dryer noise soothed him a few days in a row--it no longer has an effect. The Dohm white noise machine did nothing for Liam, despite rave reviews. Lots of sweet talking with him, lots of Daddy-time (let's face it-he's tired of me by 4 pm!), lots of walking and bouncing, lots of back rubbing.. He's tricky, but he's not impossible.

And today's highlight? He gave mommy multiple little gummy, cheeky grins. I melted every time and yelled for Hector to come look. It was precious. He's cooing a lot now, too. I thrive on coos like they're worth an hour of missed sleep. :) Thank you Lord, for these little reassurances that he likes us and we're doing OK. 

We're going to keep doing what we're doing. We'll get past this. Thoughts and prayers welcome and appreciated.