Playtime and Teachable Moments

Sometimes when Brother Bear (Liam) is napping, Cohen and I use that as special play time. I feel guilty sometimes to both of them.. that I don't get to devote all of my time to Cohen anymore, and also, that Liam will probably not ever know what it's like to have me undivided. Such is life with multiple kiddos, I suppose! I just make sure to scoop them both up, as often as I can, and whisper how wonderful they each are, and exclaim how much I love them. If they remember only one thing later on, I want them to remember how I much I loved them. And know that they are treasured. Man, some days I just can't believe these two little souls were entrusted to me. It's overwhelming and encouraging, at the same time.

Coco goes through phases with his toys. Right now, he wants to build a train track everyday!

I gave him a few Skittles, he loved it! 

He wanted to draw a circle around his leg... I let him. You gotta let them be little sometimes, and he thought that would be cool. 

Coco: AKA Mosquito bait. :(

Then Cohen drew that on his easel. The one that looks kinda like an "x" is really a cross, kinda sideways. He said, "Look Mom! I drew Granna's church necklace!!" I said, "Yes you did!" 

Then I thought, you know what? I should tell him that it's really a cross and explain what that means! So I grabbed our Jesus Storybook Bible and turned to the story of Jesus' crucifixion. 

We read the story together and I showed him that this cross was like his drawing. He was pretty proud. I explained how Jesus died that day, with nails hammered in to his hands and feet (we acted this part out, a little) and that he did it so that we wouldn't be in trouble for our sins (mean actions and bad choices) forever. With wide eyes, he said "Ohhhh!" I said, "Jesus got rid of our sins for us, so that one day we could go to Heaven with him!" He looked up towards the sky and said, "Maybe we can build a rocket and fly to Heaven with Jesus!!" If only it were that simple, sweet boy. 

One day we will dance with Jesus in Heaven. What a day that will be!

Liam ~ 2 months old

Man, he's cute.

I wish I could say we're out of Colic Woods, but we're not. Almost each evening, I feel like I'm standing in quicksand, struggling to crawl out. He's eaten, his diaper is changed, he's not hot, he's maxed out scream time on his play mat, the swing doesn't help, the hair dryer makes him mad, he's clawing at his face with his little dagger nails that I can hardly trim because he clenches his fists so much... He looks at me with those wild, frantic, searching eyes.. And I want to cry, too, because I feel he's in some sort of pain that I just can't fix. It hurts my heart so bad to see him cry like this. It typically starts around 4 or 5 pm, and lasts until about midnight, when he finally gives out and goes to sleep. We just go back and forth, holding him until we can't handle it anymore.

It isn't every single night, but probably 5 out of 7 nights. And thankfully for my friend's or family's sanity, it hasn't been when he's around a lot of people. But sadly, for my credibility, I think that makes me look like a liar, or a whiner. No one but Hector and me have really seen him at the height of it. I guess my parents saw it over Christmas break.

And like everything I've read on colic, he's a great nurser. He gets plenty to eat, has a great suck and is obviously gaining weight nicely. Eating is a non-issue. I've given him formula a handful of times, because I've thought it would help, but in hindsight, I think he'd have been just fine without it.

He has turned into a co-sleeper.. He is most content when he's snuggled up next to me or Hector. Attachment parenting by default? haha. We won't continue this bed-sharing after the colic. But I know that for now, it's what he needs to feel safe and comforted.

New things we've tried? Sure. We bought a $20 bottle of Colic Calm. It's a black-colored gripe water. I think this helps a smidge. You can give it every 30 minutes x6 per day. We only ever gave 2-3 doses in a day. It causes black specks in the poop, beware. He liked the taste. At his 2 month appointment, I consulted with his pedi. She gave me a sample of Gerber Soothe drops for colic. It's a probiotic oil-type drop. He can have 5 drops a day. I haven't noticed a difference yet with this. I've given it 2 days in a row. Maybe like other probiotics, it will take a little while to kick in. I don't know if I mentioned simethicone drops last time or not, but we give those too. I think it helps him expel gas a little more, so at least he has less gas pains.

So, other than those measures, we wait. :) We wait for 3 or 4 months of age, when he'll be a little more calm (we pray!!).

Now, positives?

This boy is a TALKER! If you get up close to him, he will "oooo" and "gooo" and "cooo" your ear off! It's just charming. It melts away most frustration I'm feeling. And smiles.. oh, the smiles. That gummy grin is just to-die-for. The other night, he actually laughed at me! I was holding him around midnight, he was winding down. He had a paci in his mouth, but he looked at me, crinkled up his eyes and nose and gave me the biggest smile. Followed by a silent, exhaling laugh. Twice.

He's already wearing 3 month clothes.. 0-3 are getting a little snug! He is wearing some size 1-2 Pampers right now. Then we have a big box of gifted size 2's and little pack of gifted size 2's, then it's cloth for the boy! I don't want to waste all the diapers we were given, so that's why we are in disposables right now. He's gonna be too cute to handle when he has a fluffy butt! :)

outtakes:

Cohen was my assistant. Propping brother up, then jumping out of the picture when I said, "Now!" :)

"Oh, hi, Mom!"

Distracted by brother.

Distracted by window.

Starting to fall, losing interest/patience.

Happy 2 months, little Liam! We love you!!

my baby has colic

I knew we had it too easy with Cohen.

This pregnancy was harder, with being more tired and exhausted (albeit, probably from Cohen...).
This delivery was harder.. well, the labor portion.
And this precious boy has been the root of many tears and sleepless nights in our home.

Yes, he's my baby and I'm head over heels in love with him.

I've known since the beginning that he seemed unnaturally difficult, but I chalked it up to being tired, having gas, not getting enough breast milk, or [insert google answer to "Why won't my baby stop crying??? here].

You know something's awry when his grandma can't calm him, his own mom can't soothe him, and you start hearing comments like: "What do you do in the hospital when they cry??" or "You're a NNICU nurse, can't you figure out how to help him sleep?" yeaaaa..... I can assure you, no NNICU baby of mine has ever cried like Liam does. Ever. Plus they're sick and premature and in isolettes and I'd just prefer you keep those comments to your self.

I began to notice around 5-6 weeks of age that his crying periods were getting worse and worse in the evenings. I called it a witching hour, and went on about my day. "Colic" crossed my mind, but I dismissed it.. thinking I recalled some qualification of colic to be crying at least 16 hours a day or something irrational like that. Boy was I wrong. Today, on the eve of his 7 week birthday, I finally looked it up. Guess what? It's crying 3+ hours a day, for 3+ days a week, for at least 3 weeks in a row.

They say it peaks at 6 weeks, and starts to normalize by 3-4 months.

Ding-ding-ding! We have a winner! This is my son to a "T"!! Another site said, "Does your infant have a regular fussy period each day when it seems you can do nothing to comfort her? This is quite common, particularly between 6:00 p.m. and midnight—just when you, too, are feeling tired..."

I only say all this, because I know it is a weakness for me. I know that I was called to be little Liam's mother, and to love him the way Christ loves us. I also know this time is fleeting and won't last long. Soon he'll be giggling, crawling, walking, talking... it all goes too fast. This is only a short season in our lives. 2 Corinthians 4:17-18 says "For our present struggles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever. So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever." The Lord already prepared us for this! 

I also put this out there, because, I think I tend to put up a pretty front, letting everyone think it's all perfect. It's not. Now, I know, this is nothing compared to mama's dealing with infants/children who have medical issues, or anything like that. It could be WAY worse, and I know that. I just want to share our story, and what's helping us. So that it may possibly help another mama, dealing with a darling with colic.

Every evening, I feel like the world's worst Mom, because I just want to set him in the closet and close the door. Of course, I don't.. and would not do it. But Satan really works on your mind when you are so sleep deprived and your infant is shrieking at full force for hours at a time. I can't understand why he is screaming, or why my measures don't soothe him. After reading about colic, I understand that it isn't my fault, and it certainly isn't Liam's. He's just a new baby, trying to figure it all out. Liam needs extra love, extra hugs, extra attention. And by golly, even if I have to walk him for hours, with tears in my own eyes... I'll do it. I'll always do anything for my children-whatever it takes. 

"Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary." -Galatians 6:9

"And He has said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.' Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

We employ a swing, a vibrating lamb seat, a bassinet, a rock-n-play sleeper, and multiple loving hands and hearts. Oh and the car helps a lot. :) I found the blow dryer noise soothed him a few days in a row--it no longer has an effect. The Dohm white noise machine did nothing for Liam, despite rave reviews. Lots of sweet talking with him, lots of Daddy-time (let's face it-he's tired of me by 4 pm!), lots of walking and bouncing, lots of back rubbing.. He's tricky, but he's not impossible.

And today's highlight? He gave mommy multiple little gummy, cheeky grins. I melted every time and yelled for Hector to come look. It was precious. He's cooing a lot now, too. I thrive on coos like they're worth an hour of missed sleep. :) Thank you Lord, for these little reassurances that he likes us and we're doing OK. 

We're going to keep doing what we're doing. We'll get past this. Thoughts and prayers welcome and appreciated. 

Liam ~ 1 Month Old

Boy, oh, boy. We've made it to 1 month old! We wanted to keep with tradition and take our boy's pictures with a Tonka truck each month. We did buy Liam a new truck, however, because Cohen has dented and chipped and wrecked his so many times.. Plus, maybe one day they'll play trucks together?? One can hope. :)

Here's our winner.

Gosh, he's handsome!

This was a tricky picture to get, too. For some reason, I remember Cohen sitting up a little better.. or something.. I had to stabilize him, then yank my arm out of the picture real quick for it to work. 

Some outtakes...

roly belly baby

(see what I mean with the hands??)

he was the tiredest he's ever been in his life when we went to take these.. figures

A little about Liam in his one month...

He has exclusively breastfed this month. It has been anything but easy. Hard, in fact. He doesn't sleep  much.. especially at night! He gets a couple decent naps in during the day.. on a good day. I try to coordinate his nap with Cohen's, but that rarely happens. So, sleeping when baby sleeps is next to impossible. 

He is the spitting image of his brother. Here is Cohen's one month picture.

coco

liam

Let's see.. what else.. Obviously, I focus too much on the constant breastfeeding and little sleep. 

By the end of his first month, he holds his head up really well! It's his favorite thing to do. Especially when you lay him on your chest, he pops his little head up so he can look at you. It's very sweet. 

We catch the occasional "goo" or "ooo" sounds from him.. VERY occasional. Like maybe once every day or two. He smiles even less often. Sometimes in his sleep. :)

He's been very gassy for us. It peaked at about 3-4 weeks and made the evening hours very long and trying. It has since gotten significantly better.. (at this time of writing, he's 5 1/2 weeks old) 

We can get him to take a little nap in the swing.. But honestly, he naps best in our arms. Which is sweet, but tiring. It's hard for him to nap in my arms usually, because I guess he smells milk and starts rooting and just wants to eat. But Hector, or Granna? He's out. 

As Hector is working this time around, it's just me and the boys. Most nights I sleep in the living room, so Hector can get rest. I wake up usually with Liam snuggled on the couch with me. But, hey. If he gets sleep that way, and I do to.. I'm not changing one thing. Even if it takes months of undoing later on. We are in survival mode over here, so whatever works.

We haven't put him in cloth diapers yet, because we are working through our gifted diapers. He is wearing size 1 Huggies right now. We weighed him at Granna's house last week, and he was just over 9 pounds (via the weigh-with-him-then-subtract-your-weight method). That's a gain of over 2 pounds in one month! More like 2.5 pounds! 

Oh, also, two kids is haaard. Cohen is great around him, but Cohen gets a little jealous at times, too. It's just really hard to juggle right now, with no help and no sleep.  I know it will get better, but I just can't see that light at the end, yet. Thankfully, I get to go to my Mom's pretty often (we went twice this month, for nearly week long stays!). And my friend Leslie has been a great help..a real blessing. As have my community group ladies. Sometimes they will take Cohen out for a couple hours, so I can rest. And all the meals.. man, we're blessed. 

Ok.. gonna wrap it up. I have another post I want to write while they're both napping!

And P.S... we are in love with this baby. :)

what.a.morning.

I can't even believe how "wrong" this morning has gone. 

It started with me waking up naturally at about 8. This is good. I continued to lay in bed for about 30 minutes, because I didn't hear Coco yet. At 8:30 Hector woke to shower before work. We got Cohen out of his room, he was stirring. I hugged him and found immediately that his pjs were soaked in urine. As were his sheets. I guess my decision to leave him in his regular diaper (that was bone dry) rather than putting on a night time diaper, backfired on me. I took him to the shower with Daddy for a rinse.

I started bacon and eggs while they were showering. Then Hector yelled that Cohen was ready, so I went to grab him and diaper/dress him. Finished that, first pan of bacon: borderline burned. Started next batch, whisked some eggs. 2nd batch better. Scrambled the eggs. No clean pans to heat up tortillas. Mini-meltdown because our kitchen rivaled something you'd see on Hoarders. But I washed a pan, and Hector graciously heated tortillas while I fixed Cohen's plate. Then Hector poured us each a glass of apple juice. Now, about..two months ago, we were both pretty tired of washing sippy cups and straws and valves and pieces. And Hector made the executive decision that Cohen would be fine with cups with no lids. And he'll own up to this decision. So we tossed them. Today, Hector sat Cohen's juice on the high chair and told him "Be very careful, ok?" "Ok, daddy." :) We sit to eat, no big deal. Cohen reaches for his fork... Elbow comes in perfect contact with his cup, spills it all down his front. Soaks his shirt, his shorts, his diaper, the cushion on the high chair, runs down his leg and starts puddling on the carpet. And apple juice is sticky. Shouting, from me. And an apologetic look from Hector, because he knows that is partly (mostly) his fault. 

So, I cleaned it up and we finished eating. Hector left for work. Then I got Cohen down and changed his clothes and diaper. He went on to begin dragging out all of his cars and sports toys. I started cleaning the kitchen and loading dishwasher. Then Cohen found a half of a snicker bar that he and I had shared last night. I left him get a bite, but he took the world's largest bite. So I sat near him in the living room while he worked on chewing it. All the while bits of chocolate and peanut falling into the carpet. I semi scolded him on why we don't take big bites like that. Then he starts crawling to his cars and I guess opens his mouth, because a huge chunk/drip of chocolatey saliva falls to the carpet. Then another drip. Down his chin to his white tank top. Now I yell again. Something about "why did you do that? See what big bites do? Can you go 2 minutes without making more messes??!"

I grab him a new shirt, change him. Then I start putting the movie Cars in, in hopes that he'll sit for a few minutes and watch it. I hear him say that he'd like a drink of water, but don't think much of it. Until I hear him say "uh oh! Spill it!" I turned around and he'd gotten the lid off a bottle of water an KNOCKED it over on the carpet! Half had poured out by the time I grabbed it. Spanking and yelling. He didn't cry, just looked at me surprised and silent. I scooped him up and sat him on the couch while I cleaned up the new water puddle. 

He's just sitting quietly on the couch, watching me. And I grabbed the remote to actually play the movie, as it was on the menu screen. And my tears started coming. I was so frustrated that one small being could make so many messes in one hour. Frustrated that I was by myself to deal with it all. Frustrated that Cohen does not grasp how to be careful. Frustrated at myself that I could lose my cool with my sweet son so quickly. Sad that he was sitting quietly on the couch, wondering what was wrong with Mommy. 

And I recognized immediately that this was Satan, interfering in my day. Trying to make me feel like an incompetent mom. Trying to hurt my relationship with my boy, by me being angry with him and yelling. Pushing me away from The Lord and into situations that fill me with despair. And I think back to that 30 minutes when I was awake, before Cohen and how I chose to lay quietly in the peace, instead of picking up my devotional journal and Bible. Man, had I just started my day with a little quiet time and Jesus, how would things have been different? My heart would have been more calm and my mind would have been more patient to interact with my son. So I went and read my "Jesus Calling" devo for today. 

"Come to me. Come to me. Come to me. This is my continual invitation to you, proclaimed in holy whispers. When your heart and mind are quiet, you can hear Me inviting you to draw near. Coming close to Me requires no great effort on your part; it is more like ceasing to resist the magnetic pull of My Love. Open yourself to My loving Presence, so that I may fill you with My fullness. I want you to experience how wide and long and high and deep is My Love for you, so that you can know My Love that surpasses knowledge. This vast ocean of Love cannot be measured or explained, but it can be experienced." 

This book, you guys... I just can't explain. It is the most divinely written words I've read in a long time. I truly believe Sarah Young's words were inspired by The Lord. Each day that I read it, it winds up being exactly what I needed to hear that exact day. 

I read the words, read the scripture, and prayed over what I'd read. I asked Cohen to come sit with me and I asked him to please forgive me for losing patience with him and told him how sorry I was. He doesn't quite understand but said, "it's ok Mommy! So sorry mommy!" That's all I needed to hear. We agreed to try and have a fun day together and be careful to avoid messes. 

It also makes me appreciate everything. I'm glad we even had juice to spill. A snicker bar to take a too-big bite of. A bottle of clean, drinkable water. Carpet to walk on in our shelter..our apartment. Sometimes I get so darn caught up in what goes "wrong" or what we don't have, that I forget to see all that we have. To God be the Glory! 

I'm sad that our day began the way it did, but so glad The Lord helped me recognize it early, and take steps to rectify it. Thank you, Jesus.